Five essentials to navigate the inner battle fields of change.
If there is any universal to human life experience, it’s change. Life is full of it. Every single life. If you’re breathing, you are experienced in experiencing change and I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share — the wanted, the unwanted, the surprising, the disappointing, the thrilling, the exhausting het redemptive, the bewildering, the existential, the spiritual, the relational, the geographical. It comes to us in many forms…and the ego always has something to say about it.
That soul self, the place within that just *knows* stuff, what to do next, what to release, where to aim for fulfilment and joy, when it’s time to try something new ~ is seeking expansion, while the ego wants to keep us “safe”, ie exactly where we are, a known zone. There will always, always be conflict between the desire to change, to have new experiences and the ego. Always. It’s for us to work out and it can be messy.
I will move into a soul desire to explore something new. I totally know in my bones that I want this experience, there’s something there for me and I follow this curiosity. It feels exciting.
Along the way I always, always totally fuck up my mojo, or rather my listening to the fear mongering ego does. Worrying about what other people think, investing in doubts & second guessessing myself, struggling with trust & belief (despite much evidence to the contrary), comparing my beginnings to other people’s middle or endings — all of that comes up. The more daring the exploration, the louder and more pathological the fear mongering is.
Over the years, and largely in part to being a person who perpetually puts significant change upon herself, I have spent time, energy, spiritual practice and love on exploring this intense inner contrast. I’ve learned and noticed a lot about myself in this process, not least becasue this is a universal problem we all face so I’m not the first to want to unpick it. I’ve come across many useful perespectives to bring more ease and insight during times of change.
Here are five. I hope they serve you, let me know in the comments.
The ego thinks it’s protecting me. From a young age it has this obsession with fitting in and staying safe which can be useful but also leads to some pretty toxic & firm self-limiting beliefs.
The ego looks outside ourselves at the material world and actions of others. This leads to comparison energy — comparison is a miserable, disempowering unwinnable game. Looking within brings far more value and insight when navigating change.
I looove this visualisation and teach it often to clients: Imagine a castle with walls. You are within it. It’s safe in there, the ego built it to keep you safe. However, the soul or higher self is desiring expansion, expression and new experiences ~ all of which lies outside the walls, all of which is uncharted and unknown. When your ego gets a whiff of you looking out there, the scary stories will be begin about how much is at risk, how you will get laughed at, how you will fail, how it’s not safe. Yet if that steady voice within still persists and if you dare go out there – your ego will up its game, sound the horns, send a cavalry to get you back in and throw an attention seeking fit to get you back into known territory and out of unknown territory.
This is normal.
Which leads to number 4…
Don’t chastise and demonise the ego. Instead converse with it.
Chastising and demonising just creates inner conflict, remember you are the one who constructed the ego and its beliefs in the first place…but as you are the author, you can edit, revisit, rewrite.
Listen to the fears, most likely they were born from a childhood experience (no childhood is without its traumas) and that child could use a cuddle. The ego is amazing at pointing us towards limiting thoughts and unhealed parts of ourselves add change further clarifies what beliefs need to be revisited with a massive dose of love and compassion.
Listen to and tend to both the lover and hater of change within you because there is no journey without both. Howver, let the lover of change drive the life bus and have plenty of snacks & comforting smiles for the hater of change, especially on the longer trips.
May all the changes you face in your precious and unique life bring you growth, abundance and joy. And if your ego trips you up a bit, you are not alone…see what wisdom it’s bringing you.
Does this resonate? What is your approach to change or what significant changes have you been through, are going through? I would love to hear about it and if this helps you. Please leave comments, I read all of them.